Intangible Time & A Bittersweet Farewell to 2012
Has the last year been a blur for you like it has for me? I used to roll my eyes at adults when I was younger as they would tell me how fast time goes as you get older. Now I can honestly say they were so spot on RIGHT! Where DOES time go??
I was just lying on the floor stretching and meditating as I began pondering what this last year has been for me. A blur, YES . But also deeply thematic. It was a time when all my self prescribed “plans” were dictated in a new direction. A heavy wave of energy in my life in the direction of service and support, surrounded by family. A year ago, I was shaken out of the mourning of a long term relationship that had ended as I learned about a cancer diagnosis with my father.
My world turned on a dime. My focus and purpose became clear which was to help my father in the best of ways I knew how to overcome an aggressive cancer. The digging, the learning, the faith all fueled by not only a deep fear of losing my father (far too soon), but also a deep knowing – that everything would be alright, because in my heart and mind, it had to be.
Now as we begin to pivot into a new year, his treatments are over and all was well for a short time. We all assumed (because of my father’s historical vibrant health), that surely “IT” was all gone, especially after the brutal oncology treatments. We recently learned that is not so. His last PET scan revealed metastases’ to the liver. We are all still in a blur of dismay and I am fueled again into deep prayer, faith, hope, possibility of miracles and new cutting edge treatments (a bit out of the box) with new doctors. Feeling completely powerless, but taking all the power I have to just try and take one day at a time and find the best treatments to give my father the best chance of survival and God willing, remission.
Nothing makes time so precious as the threat of losing a loved one. I have come to realize that TIME is the most unforgiving element in our lives. It is intangible, yet timed by a clock and a calendar to qualify it's passage by seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and finally, the gloriously celebrated birth of a “New Year” - The symbolic fulcrum point for new beginnings and an opportunity for second chances.
But in the end, WHAT - REALLY – IS - TIME? Does a clock and a calendar define it? Or do WE? All I know right now, is that time is so very elusive. Like sand through my fingers. And I just want to bottle it.
As this year passes, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my dear family, my incredible father, my amazing friends, my clients and the community in Get Nourished. I am so blessed and grateful in this life. For this moment I want to bottle it. And not look forward in fear or back in regret or sadness. But simply hold onto this moment - and simply bottle it.
To my family, my friends, my clients and community, you give my life a richness that no “material goods” could. In this turning point, I am whole, I am content and I am complete as 2012 gives way to a New Year of possibilities and miracles in 2013.
May you and your loved ones be well and thrive in this New Year and always!